WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
