apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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