Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
