they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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