He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
