I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
