Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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