Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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