DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
