I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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