There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
