Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
