Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I did not marry a roomba.
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