the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
