I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
porn star boner night. come get it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
