you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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