i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize