I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
