FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I just found a bag of teeth...
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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