okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
