I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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