somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
