and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk is a universal language darling
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize