My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize