I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize