I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
they need to just BURY HIM!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
