he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
