so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
