I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
