Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
