I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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