A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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