Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he fucked my hip out of place.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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