I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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