Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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