When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
