It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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