Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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