really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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