my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize