This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
