I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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