Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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