I'm gonna have a badass scar
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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