On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
