I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
