she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
