If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
