I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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