I love black thongs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
