he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
