We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
