Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Pooping to opera.
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