Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
