the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
