I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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