Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
