dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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