at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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