I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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