His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
