and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
