it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
