who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
