did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
