I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
