so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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