You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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