She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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